The melody on my cell phone came to life. In this present age of caller ID and unique ring tones, I didn’t have to wonder long who was trying to connect with me. It had been a while since we talked and I was eager to hear what was on her mind. As I said hello, I was greeted with a choked up voice and sniffles, and the words “I’m sorry I only call you when I need your help.” I assured her I was okay with that, however, I’m not sure she believed me. Regardless, she went on to share her struggle, pouring out her heart and tears, her frustrations and fears. I listened, my heart hurting for her. I tried to encourage her as best I could, and asked questions to help her process the situation, and we prayed to the only One who could make things right. I assured her I would continue to pray for her and her family and welcomed her to keep me informed.
As I pressed the button to end the call, I reflected on our relationship. I don’t remember when our friendship began or the circumstances that surrounded our first conversation, but she was correct in saying that most often when we talked there was some sort of need involved. The dynamics of our friendship are not about going to movies or shopping at the mall, but it is characterized by one mother’s heart hurting for another’s. And while she seemed to feel guilty about calling me with yet another concern, I have been blessed by sharing in the sufferings of a friend. I am happy that she trusts me enough to reach out to me when the going gets tough, but I wondered if she ever thought about me when her heart was filled with joy or when things in her life seemed to be manageable.
It was at that moment the Holy Spirit convicted my own heart; “I have wondered the same thing about you”. Ouch. Drops of remorse ran down my cheeks. Yes, there have been many times when I called on Jesus and confessed that I am sorry for how I have neglected our relationship. I have felt ashamed for presenting my problem to Him knowing full well our last conversation revolved around another problem I needed His help with. My only lame excuse is that I have been too busy or too lazy to talk to Him when I think I can handle things on my own. I am honestly thankful for the many blessings that are mine because of my relationship with Jesus and I delight in sharing my gratitude with Him, but my heart was heavy when I tried to remember the last time our visit focused on how much I love Him.
There’s an old song that goes “I just called to say I love you. I just called to say how much I care. I just called to say I love you, and I mean it from the bottom of my heart”. Is that a love song you could sing to Jesus? Do you look forward to talking to Him just to share how much you love Him, or do you just call to tell Him what you need? May it not be said of us that we are only interested in having a relationship with Jesus because of what He can do for us, but instead to love Him with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength.
Forgive me, Jesus, when I have treated you like my magic wand instead of the love of my life!
Erin Jacobsma