One of the challenges and privileges of working full-time at church is that you get to be there when people wander in looking for help in some form or other. Erin shared last week about Judith, who happened to stop by church during the Winter Retreat and ended up joining us for most of the day, adding a lot of interesting insights to the small group discussions. A few weeks ago another interesting character presented himself at church, looking for some spiritual guidance.
Mr. Jackson first of all called church to see if there was someone to talk to about a problem he was facing. Erin talked to him a little bit and said he was welcome to come in. Mike wasn’t around at the time, but I was there working on some music. He showed up and Erin directed him to the sanctuary. She had asked him if he needed financial assistance, and he answered, “No, I just need someone to talk to.”
Mr. Jackson appeared to be in his early thirties, though his hair was thinning and grey. He wore cowboy boots and was nicely dressed. His southern accent jumped out and announced the fact that he hadn’t grown up around here. We began talking and it was very clear he was agitated about something. Without much prodding he began to open up and share that he and his wife, who was in the car outside in the parking lot, were having a disagreement about money.
About a year earlier Mr. Jackson’s father had died in a farming accident in Arkansas. He didn’t say a whole lot about that incident other than the fact that it caused him to inherit quite a bit of money. Sadly, the extra funds had become a source of strife in his marriage, mainly because his wife’s parents began to ask for money on a regular basis. As Mr. Jackson described the situation, they (the in-laws) had tried to retire early, in their early fifties, but hadn’t taken into account how much tax they would pay on their withdrawals from a retirement account, so they were in trouble with the IRS and were asking for help from their kids.
So Mr. Jackson described how he had helped them several times with bills and with a couple of larger loans, but nothing had been paid back on the loaned money, and now they were asking for additional funds. He had finally put his foot down and said they needed to work it out on their own, especially since recently the parents-in-law had reupholstered their pickup truck, not to mention buying a new camper. Mr. Jackson was fed up, but the breaking point was when his wife went behind his back and wired several hundred dollars to her parents despite his wishes. So he had blown up at her while they were staying at a motel in Luverne (while passing through on a trip from Colorado to Minneapolis…this was one of those nights when we had ice on the roads), and now he wanted to talk to someone before talking to his wife again.
We talked through the issues he presented, but at one point I felt the Holy Spirit guiding me to ask him about his father. That was a turning point in the conversation. It seems he walked away from God when his father died in the accident. After that time he wasn’t sure if God was really a loving God or not, and he had been wandering spiritually ever since. Now his lack of spiritual foundation was making it hard for him to deal with the situation with his wife in a loving and patient way.
Mr. Jackson asked if there were any books or other resources I would suggest for his situation. Luckily, there was a book on “boundaries in marriage” in the library, something left over from some small group study someone did in previous years. There were chapters in there on money management, which I thought would be helpful. I gave him a copy, we prayed, and he was on his way, probably never to set foot in ARC again.
I’m not sure how much I helped him and his wife that day, but in the end the conversation helped me a lot. I was getting a little bit bored preparing meetings and running copies of music, so it was a God-thing to have someone to talk to in such an open and authentic way. I left the encounter thinking about how we “follow Jesus” for the sake of the world, but in the end we ourselves get even more from it than those we serve.
Cory Grimm